leden 2010

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Response to Your Situation, a Haiku Cycle by Karen

Hmm, that's tough. Will your
employer get his or her
knickers in a bunch?

If it didn't pan
out, would it be too hard to
keep working with him?

Don't mean to burst your
bubble--just thought I'd throw that
out there to start with.

But overall, he
sounds really cute and nice. I
say go for it, Jane!

I think what is most
important is to have fun
and keep hope alive.

And I say this as
someone who doesn't have a
surplus of hope now.

I would love to see
you have a charming romance
in broken English.


My opinion is
that speaking perfect English
is over-rated.

My employer might
not like it if I attack
him, but it's only

a temporary
position. In fact, should we
become dates I can

simply not be his
teacher. There will a be a prime

for me to unload
him as a student if he
likes me, or not, soon.

Having said that, I
hope it doesn't come to that,
because he's charming.


Try this line: "Hey toots,
wanna try and earn yourself
some extra credit?"

Then when he says "Sure"
you can stammer and hand him
a vocab test. Hot.


You should do a dance
routine to Van Halen's "Hot
for Teacher" in class.


Dear Mr. Johnso,
as everyone knows, you are
my love guru, but

something tells me that
your plan isn't quite perfect:
pop quizzes are whack.

And, Karen? your plan
completely leaves me cold. I'm
not that kind of girl!


A dance routine is
crucial. Would you prefer "Don't
Stand So Close to Me?"

Tosho the Terrible

Can always fuck him
when no longer a student.
Live life of regret.

Tosho the Terrible

Not that kind of girl?
Throbbing, heaving, yearning but
that kind of WOMAN!


Tosho, I know you
fancy yourself to be a
provacateur, but

my interest is,
as yet, so chaste! I think it
may be best if I

maintain some semblance
of decorum. After all, he
is still my student.

But, more important
is the fact that I like him
sincerely. For reals.

So, I hope you will
not find it amiss, but I
demure the F-word.

Tosho The Fucking Terrible

Isn't it better
to suffer hope in silence?


Tosho, are you that
guy on the internet who
always says the thing

that's most obvious?
You know, that guy who just has
to say what we all

obviously know?
I mean, if I said that "I
love Bono," would you

remind me that I
don't know him? because if so:
yawn. I will shut up

about it just as
soon as I fucking feel like
I want to, K, bitch?


your a bitch, jane


Your? Come on, Bryan,
You can do better than that,
Plus: not a haiku.

Tosho the Terrible

So, I hope you will
not find it amiss, but I
demure the F-word.

So I hope you will
be most beguiled by my thrill
at your F-bomb trill.

Te he he he heee,
ha-ha ha-ha ha-ha hooo,
yip yip yip yip-eeeeeeeeeeee!


This post has really
devolved, no? Jane, have you made
your guy a mix tape?

Bryan, please. You are
thirteen syllables short of
a decent haiku.


I did make him a
mix tape! He told me today
that he loves it, and

was altogether
charming, really. I always
feel he is on the

verge, but doesn't ask.
Maybe I should lend him a
hand, and ask him out.

If only I had
even a tiny smidgen
of confidence! Damn!

At the same time, though,
Masculine toes mustn't be
stepped on! Dilemma!


Man, those kinds of guys
are frustrating. Give him time.
Let him pursue you.

That's just my advice.
But I don't feel like any
kind of expert, though.


Long time listener
First time here to contribute
Compelled to weigh in

There once was a girl
from the city of angels
who also compelled

Felt the need to share
her love life most globally
and publicly, too

advice would be to pursue
and to not hold back.

The last time I checked
Life was short and pleasures few
Get busy girl. Now.

Nick C.

You might want to try
this very subtle czech
pick-up line:

"Chces mrdat?"


Nick C, thanks for your
input, but that first word is
Not in Czech. Also,

I am truly a
little offended by your
contribution, here.

I can't help feeling
that everything you say is
either a trifle

barbed, or else a bit
too familiar. I mean,
I don't know you, so...

And as for you, Ms.
Dang, You can go sit in the
corner with Tosho,

but I will give some
thought to your suggestion, K?
Either that or this

Long string of haiku
will serve to diffuse all the
angst. Heckle on, man!

Nick C.

Take 2:

Try wearing that racy black dress
you have been saving for
a special occasion

Go into the classroom
and do a provocative dance
to the tune of

"Don't stand so close to me",
preferably the 1986 remake.
As the interpersonal tension

rises to a climax,
try whispering shyly,
with the tenderness of vulnerability:
"ksesh mrrdat?"


Sorry if my first post
sounded a bit too familiar,

I have been reading
almost every intimate detail
regarding your frustrated love life

on the public world wide interbot
for almost the past three

I keep coming back,
mostly because
I love Tara's photography,

but I will not post any more
comments here,
as you seem to request!

Indeed, I wonder,
since you treat
almost all your guests
with harsh criticism

why any respectful czech
gentleman, would be attracted
to spending extended personal
time with you......


Oh my God, Nick C,
First you rip off my idea,
then you bitch at Jane?


Also, Nick, those so
aren't Haikus. Listen: sorry
to cheese you off so,

but what you think is
"every detail" really is
not, and moreover

most of my readers
here are close friends, so
they know exactly

how seriously
to take my criticism.
Also, Tara's pics

are not here, they are
at taraville.com, right?
Enjoy them, won't you?

Tosho the Ter'ble, throbbing with a moist desire, a happy finish.

serious critique
like the yearning snapping clam
simply must be fed


Serious critique:
yearning, snapping clam? Must you?
My Dad reads this, man!

Also, I'm just
going to come clean on this: I
don't get your point, here.

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