Thing the First: A real factor in the maintenance of this website, (and people, please forgive me for getting all "meta" on you right now) is that too many of my fancy Hollywood friends who don't suffer fools gladly, and who are much sexier and cooler than I am, read it. As a result, I have the desire to curb my lameness to a reasonable level, and that cramps my style sometimes. I mean, if this were an entirely anonymous, (instead of just a quasi-anonymous) exercize that would be one thing... I could wax philosophical, publish my insufferable poetry, talk about cute boys and post pictures of my uber-cute dog! I could even belly-ache on and on about all my unrequited loves, and how I'm planning to die alone and be eaten by wild dogs (or rats, maybe, if I do it in New York City, as I fervently hope will be the case), and none of that would bother me or threaten my dignified pastiche, because none of my hip, urban compatriots would look at me funny later on in the full knowledge that I am extremely silly.
Or, to put this more seriously, writing a blog embarrasses me on an elemental level. The word "blog" embarrasses me. I have a real question about the value of this exercize. I mean, who in the heck cares what happened to me yesterday, what my friends are up to, or what the latest thought to cross my mind is? Having said that, I do enjoy reading the latest things to trip across the minds of lots of other blog-keepers... And, more embarrassing than any of that is this ostentatiously chatty navel-gazing that I'm doing right now. D'oh.
Thing the Second: Yeah, that Love Letter to Viggo the Magnificent's Art Book embarrassed me a day later. SO WHAT! So what if he's celebratedly handsome and speaks Danish! So what if he's playing my first-ever childhood heartthrob to particularly bewitching effect in the movies lately? Yeah, I love it when he goes on Charlie Rose having scrawled "No more blood for oil" on his t-shirt. What of it? So what if, that one time Mortensen was in the cafe around the corner from my house, I was forced to immediately vacate the premises in a desparate, last-ditch effort to call a halt to the complusive staring and prevent the potentially embarrassing need to call in the local fire-fighters. Forget all that! I'm too old to be retardedly besotted, and moreover, I'm a libido-less art-lover, and "objectivity" is my middle name. I live in Hollywood, and I'm sophisticated like that.
Or, as someone clever I know once said: "Blah, blah, blah. Look at me; I'm Jane."
In conclusion, let's just have a little word from T.S. Eliot. It's the kind of thing that simultaneously gives one hope, and crushes one's illusions, and it's been sitting on my shoulders for a good... oh... 20 years, or something:
"The bad poet is usually unconscious where he out to be conscious, and conscious where he ought to be unconscious. Both errors tend to make him "personal." Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it's not an expression of personality, but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these things."
~ From Tradition and the Individual Talent, 1920
That has some bearing on the dilemma, and if I think real hard, I'll probably figure out why. In the meantime, I fear this post may be even more embarrassing than the last one.
Look. The reason I read blogs is the same reason I have conversations. I want to hear what "normal" people have to say. If I want to hear just what "exciting" people have to say, I could just watch PBS and Charlie Rose and ET. Keep in mind there is beauty in the commonplace.
Posted by: beerzieboy | 31 prosinec 2003 at 09:18 odp.
I have this fear of keeping a journal - that one day someone other than me will actually read it and it will sound lame.... so I tend to be a bit ambiguous even in my own personal writings that (unlike your blog) no one is ever going to read, but me. The thing you should remember, is that you're writing this stuff for others to read. Your "Hollywood Hipster" friends or allow me to put it a little more simply, your friends, already like you for just being you. They even know your real name. Most probably already know about how you blushed at the cafe when you saw what's his face, how you saw Return of the King three times, that you love the books you do and the poems you do... and this place and that. I can't imagine what friends of yours wouldn't know these things about you as you've told them! So, blog away. Don't worry about us! We find you extremely cool and very interesting (in person and through your web site). I'm not sure if I'd call you "normal", but that's a good thing. Now, as for what you really think of all of us, well you may want to reserve that for the other blog... the one where you list all the criminal activities you've committed for the day and the illicit affairs you've gotten yourself into - but, we won't mention that here.
Posted by: Tara H. | 01 leden 2004 at 03:46 dop.
Beerzie: Of course you're right. It's still a struggle to believe, though, that my own personal commonplace is anything but self-indulgent when posted to the internet. But having said that, I love any post of yours that involves your family or your two beautiful boys, so... yes. Thank you.
Tara: You RAWK!
Posted by: Jane Herself | 01 leden 2004 at 09:21 odp.
Does the Internet represent the ultimate potential audience for a particular message?
Since the writing is addressed to the whole world, then there is always the possibility that someone reading it will understand your views and accept/desire them?
What ever happened to the concept of the soul mate? [ which is not necessarily a romantic/sexual relationship ] Was the Internet created to address that void?
Is it used, subconsciously or perhaps even consciously, for that purpose?
Posted by: Anonymous | 02 leden 2004 at 12:50 dop.
Mr. Anonymous: I like to think of it as practice.
Posted by: Jane Herself | 02 leden 2004 at 08:51 dop.
Thanks.
Posted by: Even More Anonymous Than Before | 02 leden 2004 at 03:48 odp.
i'm quite certain that, rather than a 'soulmate,' we are all of us, to some extent or another, looking for our 'bossum buddies,' like anne and diane in Anne of Green Gables, because Anne of Green Gables is pretty terrific as hell, even if your older sister made you watch it about a hundred goddam times when you were growing up.
Posted by: zooey | 22 leden 2004 at 08:20 dop.
I never saw Anne of Green Gables. I'm starting to think maybe I was missing something good.
Posted by: Jane Herself | 22 leden 2004 at 05:37 odp.
you were missing something good, but it's anyone's guess whether that good something is still attainable, because it might be the sort of movie that you pretty much only like Because your sister made you watch it about a hundred times growing up. i'm not sure, though. you could give it a try. it's a pretty timeless sort of movie, what with richard farnsworth being so Dear and all to his adopted misfit of a daughter while you're trying like hell not to loose it and cry yourself to death. and anne certainly has this terrific red hair.
the best thing about the movie, though, is probably that you start calling people your 'bosom buddy' all of the time.
Posted by: zooey | 24 leden 2004 at 12:16 dop.
Ah, you may have felt unsure about your blog, but think how it feels to comment 9 months later? Yup, I gotta wonder what the hell I'm doing de-lurking.
Just gotta say "Here here" to breerzieboy and to put in my 2¢, well .015¢ after exchange.
I choose not to own a car, my bike is my ride. I get cable to watch The Tour and cancel it after. I live in a northern (well above the 49th parallel) climate and even if I don't exactly love the winter here, I'm in awe of it's beauty. I read "The Lord of the Rings" once a year.
It's fascinating to see one's own passions reflected through the someone else's life. It makes me see things from angles I hadn't considered. It may be mundane or embarrasing to you but to me it's all a new spin on things cherised and familiar.
I'm very much enjoying trolling, er, looking through your archives. Thanks.
Posted by: Coelecanth | 22 září 2004 at 12:26 dop.
Coelecanth: Thank you for writing, even 9 months later. I'm glad you've been enjoying my silly blog. Lord knows, I envy you your carlessness and northern latitude. I still feel the pressure to produce something of interest on this website, and still often feel as if that is simply too tall an order, but I do like it, as a collection of details from my life, and a record of where I've been, even though it's only part of where I've been...
One of the coolest things about the internet is finding out how many people are really interesting, and have things in common with you that you'de never imagined, and I like to know that I'm part of that in sharing some details with even a total stranger in, I'm guessing here, Canada. I hope you'll write more, and join the fray here... I've bookmarked your blog, too.
Best,
~Jane
Posted by: Jane Herself | 23 září 2004 at 08:27 dop.